Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
