you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
