so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
