Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
