textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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