4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
