Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
