Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
