Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
