just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
