He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize