My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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