I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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