I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
