Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
