I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
