i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
