wake up i wanna do it froggy style
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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