Sober January is a disaster.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
