well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
