I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
