If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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