So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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