If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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