He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
