I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
