oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I want her autograph on my taint
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
