At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize