don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
