Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
