I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I need to stop coming to work sober
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
