Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
