So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
