Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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