Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
