yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
