I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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