so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
