My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
