Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
