It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i need some magic done to my vagina
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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