I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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