hotel room ftw
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
