I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
