glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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