evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I need to stop coming to work sober
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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