Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
