mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
