Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
