marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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