we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
