Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
