Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
