You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
