Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize