Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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