I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
