I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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