I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
