You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
