Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
