turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
