if i can run in heels then i can drive
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize