i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
