what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize