just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
