i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
