You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
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