Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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