Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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