just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
