Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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