Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I forget how to act sober
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