Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
