If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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