Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
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