Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
